I am laying in my bed inbetween fifty sheets because I am sick. Woke up with a horrible migraine and threw up a couple times. Mmm cute. I do hope to make it to at least one of my classes today. Really would feel bad if I skipped a whole day. My fingers are so cold that it's really hard to move them to hit the right keys!

I guess I started feeling like shit last night around 7. I don't even know why I feel bad. I haven't really done anything. And it's not like something contagious, it's just feeling really run down and shitty. Which creeps me out because I was perfectly happy and upbeat and fine until 7!

So I took a bath around 8 and layed in the tub for a really long time. With just my face poking out of the water so I can breathe. I like to deafen myself with the water over my ears. So all I can hear is my thoughts and my breathing. It comforts me in an odd way. Feels like I'm the only one who exsists in that one small moment of life. It allows me to forget about everything that's going on in my life and be simple and delicate for a period in time.

Lately, I don't know why, it's been on my mind alot. I'm never one to consume thought of someone, but I just can't stop! My imagination I guess is running away with different thoughts about it! I Don't know why hahaah. I know I won't have it, or have a chance with it, but my mind won't let it go. And I found myself actually conversing with my mind. Hahah. Saying "I mean it's not like it's going to happen, so drop it, forget about it already, you need to stop it, you're coming on, you're coming on too strong, stop stop stop" Hahha, oh no. But as much as I have done in my life, my brain also defies me. Thanks alottt. It learns from the best huh.

I hate the fact I can text message again now. I'm beginning to think there's deffinitely a down side to it. I fell asleep last night around 9 and slept for a while. Then Kelley texted me, and bareley awoke me, so I texted back a short "hey" which I mispelled from being drunk with dreams. And then Cam texted me and wanted me to read a message he sent me on the computer. I felt that it was actually important, or it sounded it was, and I got really worried as I waited for the computer to turn on. I read it, and it was good for me to read I Guess. He really cares about our friendship and I know he's one of my genuine friends. After last week, and my little outburst to him on Friday night, I guess I kinda needed that reassurance.

In a short sense, he's just afraid of change. Especially when we all go away next year and he's left here. That is scary. But he knows he's welcome to come stay with me any day all day long. So I'm sure next year he will be in my room every weekend jamming like he always does. That will be good.

welp, I feel myself drifting again. So excuse me while I pass out for about ten hours.