Okay new post.

Anyways.

It's cold. Miserably. And even when I'm warm, it's still cold.
....

My mind is really blank, so much empty space.

All that's really been consuming it's vacant lots are songs; one is particular.

All I know is I'm wanted gone. It's wasting my time with all it wants.
And if it's a game, then I'm done.
You know you don't win when you play for fun, but I'm all in this one.
Timing was good to me, the lonely old man who was always lost and sold everything.
And if it's a game then I play it well, running away with a pot of gold from somebody's guilt.
from somebody's guilt.
It's time for me to move away. Pack it all and run with grace.
Along the way I treat myslef.
with some new lungs to clear my chest.
Timing was good to me. The lonely old man who was always lost and sold everything.
And if it's a game, well then I, I played it well.
Low and behold will I never know when to quit.
I'm going in.
I'm throwing down.
I'm coming out.
To start from scratch and just get beat again.

Timing was good to me, the lonely old man who was always lost and sold everything.
And if it's a game then I, I played it well.
Is it my fault, that I never know when to quit?
When to quit?
-Ace Enders-

Unfortunately, miraculous acoustic chords are all that are agreeing with me currently.
Which makes me rethink everything and anything.

I analyze people and things way too much.
I don't know what I want, but the truth is, I do.
I would like to think that I am so confused, that way I don't have to make any decisions. But honestly, I know exactly what I want. And I think that if I try to really go for what I want/need, I will end up the same place I am now.
Empty.

I remember two years. I remember what that undying commitment felt like.
The certainty. Ha.
and
I remember two years, two years broken. I remember what the undying pain felt like.
The betrayal. Ha.

and I refuse to let myself experience things like that again.
I know that I have nothing to that extent in which things would be like that, but even little things scare me.

I feel like a baby. I want, deeply wish for someone to walk me through this.
Help me through. Someone to teach me how to do this again. Because I really have forgotten.

So here I am.
A blank slate.

"Its my life, I might as well live it, along with all the bad times. Just happy to be living. So this is my time, I know its sounds selfish I'm really not like that, we live and we die for this"

Guide me.