"I'm just now finding out

What it was all about"
Oh, Ben Folds, what you do to meeeee.
I really miss Anna. I feel like lately she's my true friend. She's been my best friend for about four-five years or so? And it's funny because when I moved when I began highschool everyone surely thought I was going to be the one to adjust the easiest. And that my sister would have the hard time.
And honestly I didn't think it would be that hard for me. But it turned out I had the hardest time and Katie had it easier. I remember that first summer, the only reason I used aim was so that I could talk to Anna and Hayley and Becca in the woodlands. I would sit on my computer until they signed on just so I would have someone to talk to and something to do.
Then school began and things shifted, I made friends and made changes in my life, grew up and changed physiclly. And still through it all, Anna was soley there for me. The first year was so horrible for me. I hated every minute, every second of my first year. And Anna was there through all of it for me.
I lost contact with Becca because of dumb reasons. Reasons that were childish and I realize that now, but at the time didn't. And not long after, I was still friends with Hayley, but we just didn't talk as much.
I feel like even though there's been four hours of distance straining and between Anna's and my friendship, that we have only become closer. And everyone always says that when I come home to see them that it's like I was never even gone.
Now three, almost four years have passed and it's hard to believe it's even been somewhat that long.
I will say this always and forever, I will probably never think of Flower Mound as home, merely a place to reside.
I really miss Anna. I can't even put it into words. I have friends here, but as I have noticed lately, it's like they forget about me, and don't care enough about my friendship to them to keep it up. So I just sit on the back burner now, and I'm really okay with going to school and coming home everyday. I know not everyone agrees with the way I feel about things here, and that's okay. I never expected everyone to love me when I moved here, but I've put in three years+ of effort and no one can say I haven't tried.
I talked to Brendan for a whole class period on friday and we talked about how we don't like to be pessimistic but we had to face it, we honestly hate living here. Hate's a strong word, but it's honestly how we, I, feel.
I don't care where and how I end up in life as long as I have the people who I care about most (Anna and Sarge) surounding me and I'm not in North Texas.
I kind of like having no friends. As weird as that is.
I like going to class anonymously.
I mean I have plenty of aquaintince friends. Who I eat lunch with, talk to during class time, walk to classes with, and such. But I like not having to deal with things. The way I see friendship, it should be just two people hanging out, caring about each other, taking responsibility for each other, and taking loyalty to be behind someone. Friendship shouldn't have to be a struggle, and friendship shouldn't be dreaded. I know that there's hardships to go through, but not everyday should be a continuing hardship.
And honestly, that's what My friendship with Anna has been.
I wouldn't know what to do if I didn't have her there for me. She's everything I need in my best friend and I wouldn't trade her for anything, how glorious it may be, for anything.
I guess, my point is, I'm sick of wasting years of my life on building friendships that aren't there for the best.
I don't want to invest time into something that's going to stab me in the back, and their intent isn't for the best of the both of us.
I'm not trying to say, I'm not open to more friendships, I just want friendships that are good and solid. That care and are loyal. That honor me another in the same way I honor other people.
I know that no one will ever be as good as Anna, because I hold her so high, I will never find another one of her, but she's a good model. And I'd just like to know people with the same outlook of having and honest true "friendship".

Sometimes I ask too much. Hah