Pictures of Success

Damn, it's already March. March 2nd. Like I said, I'm so glad that this week is over, but now, I'm so glad that also this weekend is over.

Chaotic. That's all that can really explian it.
I'm sitting out in the open with my ipod in, to musk my parent's conversation. I can't take it anymore.
I was so scared this weekend. The person that seems like the one who gets it and makes me happy lately, made me shudder. Sometimes things are so perfect, and so when something does go wrong, it's a major shock. I just don't know how to handle those types of things so I tend to push them away.

I'm also frightened at the fact that things have never happened like this before. God, my feelings are so strong so fast, it's ridiculous. It's making me spin, and sometimes I have to give them a second thought. They can't be mistaken though. On Thursday night, when I felt his chin quivering against my neck, and then the tears seep into my shoulder, it really overtook me. I don't think I could stand losing this.

I can't handle the idea that an illness will eventually rip him away from me. It really breaks my heart. Breaks my heart to the point that I don't know how to act. I wish I could wave my hands, or do some stupid dance to make it go away. I just want it to go away.

I walked up to the door today and sighed as I saw Tyler sitting in the chair in the living room. Why oh why didn't he tell me he was going to be there? I was so afraid to walk in the door. Not because I'm afraid of Tyler. He wouldn't do anything. It's just I see it as something that could hurt this. And I want nothing to hurt what we have. I don't think I need to say that when I walked into the house I went directly upstairs.

Anyways...
I really have to do something soon for my self portrait project. Blagh! It's due tuesday, which means I have to shoot and print it all tomorrow. Fuccccck. It won't get done, that's for sure. But I will sure try.

I wish things would just end up right, work out, be simple for once. Sometimes "shit just happens", but after shit keeps happening and happening, I wonder, if good just happens. It's sad that my life has turned out this way.